Approval Seeker

Mary, 5, sees a group of children playing in the playground. "Mom, can I play with those kids?"..."Sure, Mary...have fun". Mary has a great time, and gets to know another kid, John. She likes playing with him..."Mom, I had a great time. What do you think about John?". "He's a nice boy!". Mary smiles, feels happy...

Mary, 10. Falls down a few steps. Her leg hurts a little, not really serious. Before going to see the doctor, there's something else to do...
Mom: Let me take a look...
Mary: (it doesn't hurt much, actually) Awww.....it hurts!!!!
Mom: Poor mary...
Mary: (warm glow inside) Sob, sob, ....
Mom (hugging her): It'll be alright. Let's go and see a doctor.
Mary: (very 'cham' face...feeling very relieved inside) Oh...aiyo, aiyo...yeah......you're right, I should see a doctor....Awww....sob...sob...

Mary, 20. Dating age. She sees a nice flower she really likes....she has more than enough monay, and will not mind paying...but maybe OTHERS will not like it? She waits for a few hours, and brings her boyfriend there..
Mary: That flower's bad...
BF: No it's not. It's lovely
Mary: (lightens up) Oooo...really??
BF: Sure, it will look very nice on you.
Mary: (feels great!) Hmm...no it will not look nice on my face.
BF: Your face is pretty, darling.
Mary: (yes! I feel great!) (smiling shyly) hehehe...alright, I brought RM600 with me...I can pay for it.
BF: Wow! You've really planned everything...Hey, I'll pay for it
Mary: (yay, he knows how good my planning is) Hahaha...nah..I'll pay for it...
Mary: (he will think I'm very considerate...)

Mary, 31, disgruntled with job. She doesn't want to go anywhere, too much hassle. I'll just tell people how bad my job is.

She her mind is set to stay in her job....even if she doesn't like it. But she wants pity. She's stuck in a rut, and wants people to confirm that her life is miserable. Her MSN is about boredom. Her blogs talk about how terrible everything had gone.

Mary: My job's terrible,....the this....the that...you see..
Friend: Yalor, really terrible.
Mary: You see lar, I can't do anything...this ar...that ah...
Fried: Yeah, so bad hor...
Mary (Feels vindicated. Feels warm...they agree with ME!)

The rest of her story is pretty much predictable. She says her life is terrible, and it is! People agree with her, too! She says she can't change anything, and of course! She's not doing anything to change! People have agreed with her as well when she told them her distressed life history.

Mary: Now why does Ann, who grew up with me stay happy so long? Her manager oso terrible what. She's not that rich. MUST be her genes. She was born in that happy family mar, not like me. She got good birth mah. She just dare to decide what to do and do it...of course lah born wif that skill already. She always so confident, can execute well...also because her father lah, always teach well....NEH, how can I compare with her woh?


This blog author was pretty much an approval seeker. That little boy who never grew up. Needs mama/GF/Friends to tell him what to do. But when we do this, needing approval all the time, how are we going to take actions that really make a difference in the quality of life?